Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Gene and Jean

PROS:
We both have great-uncles named Gene who were twins. Zeke would only have to learn how to pronounce one sound. We could say this: Gene, why can't you be more like your sister Jean? Conversely: Jean, why can't you be more like your brother Gene? Zeke could say this: Hi, I'm Zeke. This is my brother, Gene. This is my sister, Jean. Shopping for jeans with Gene and Jean. Shock value.

CONS:
Announcements over the intercom at school, athletic events, etc. Inevitably, they will be some who refer to our children as the Jeans (Genes?). There may be other Jeans or Genes in the same class at school, which could make an already potentially confusing situation untenable. Jean could be made fun of for having Gene's genes. Gene could be made fun of for wearing Jean's jeans. Life is long; shock value is short.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Star Wars Edition

Luke and Leia Lewandowski: Rejected

Star Wars is one of the best and most important things ever made by a human. Everyone knows that. Arguably the most relevant set of boy-girl twins in the history of the Galaxy, we thought long and hard about naming our twins Luke and Leia. We consulted the Force.

However, the L-L-L alliteration with this set of names was just a little to spastic for our tastes. I'm sure the Force will be with our twins nonetheless.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Boris and Eunice

We finally bought ourselves a new baby name book over the weekend. We had been using a hand-me-down published in 2000. That was before the name Braden was even invented, I think.

Our new book provides a host of enticing names to consider and reject. Case in point. There may be a young couple out there who are cool enough to name their boy-girl twins Boris and Eunice. But not us.


It's super hipster right now to wear your grandma's glasses. But you've got to be capable of passing on to your children deep freeze of residual coolness if you're going to give your child your grandma's name.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Zeus and Apollo

Magnum P.I. was definitely one of the greatest television shows ever. And Higgins was one of the coolest characters on that show. And his dogs, Zeus and Apollo, were loyal and brave. But you probably don't want to name your twins after TV's most famous set of Doberman Pinschers.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Atlas and Ajax

I tried to squeeze Atlas under Karine's radar as a possible name for Ezekiel. She was not a fan. I still think Atlas is a great name. It's a plausible name, at least. Apollo, Athena, and the other principals of the Greek pantheon are a little too mainstream for me. A little overplayed, I think. Like Zeus. You can' t call your kid Zeus. It's like calling your kid Steve. Yes, it's a powerful name, but a name whose time has come and gone. Cronus, on the other hand, now you're talking.

Atlas is a wonderful name for a little boy, especially if he's got some size in his genes. You might not want to name your son Atlas if he's gonna be a pipsqueak. But don't sell your son short. You don't have to be a giant to carry the name Atlas. Your child may be able to redeem his small stature with a mighty intellect.

Combine Atlas with Ajax, hero of the Trojan War, and you have yourself what I believe may be the ultimate pair of names for a set of boy-boy twins. Atlas and Ajax. Ajax and Atlas.

Ajax, thanking the gods for making him so awesome.

But we are not having boy-boy twins, so this brilliant pair we have to reject. Although, Ajax might work for a girl. Something to think about.

If nothing else I have a great set of names for the pair of Rhodesian Ridgebacks I hope to own someday.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Sven and Ole

Sven and Ole Lewandowski

It's not polite to make fun of Scandinavians. It's also not smart when key members of your family are Scandinavian. So I'm not talking here about Sven and Ole from the classic and questionably funny Sven and Ole jokes, the jokes where Sven and Ole are a couple of slow-witted farmers. Those jokes are bad because they unfairly stereotype Scandinavians.

The Sven and Ole I'm thinking of for our boys, if they are boys, are are from Sven and Ole's Pizza up in Grand Marais, Minnesota. They've got some great pizza.

I went there for the first time in 1997. I had just spent a week camping in the boundary waters wilderness area. If I remember correctly, I ate pretty much twigs and berries for the whole week. That pizza from Sven and Ole's was something special, something I will never forget.

But my wife says you can't name your kids after your most memorable pizza experience. So Sven and Ole are out.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Jacob and Smoke Monster

We've been watching Lost together since before we were married. We've seen every episode. Turns out that it all started with a set of twins. Nonetheless, these names have been considered and rejected.

Jacob, maybe. Smoke Monster is just out of the question.

Baby Name Rejects for Twin: Jet and Cord

Jet and Cord Lewandowski


We like these fellas alot. In fact, they're just about the coolest cowboys to ever show up on reality television. We were rooting for them from the get go.



But they didn't win the Amazing Race. So they're out, that was the deal. We can't name the twins after them. Sorry fellas, best of luck!

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Anna and Banana

Anna and Banana Lewandowski

What if we gave one of the twins a regular name and named the other one after our favorite fruit? That’s what I was thinking. Great idea!

Many twins have trouble establishing identities separate from their brother or sister. It’s a real problem for a lot of kids. It can be even more difficult for same-sex twins, doubly so for identicals. I thinking naming one of the twins after a delicious fruit would do a lot to differentiate one from the other.

Here's how the kids would see it:

She is Anna. I am Banana. We are different. I am okay because my name is Banana. She is okay because her name is Anna.

Anna is a really great name. And a banana is a really great fruit.

These names we were considering for a girl-girl set of identical twins. They have been rejected. Karine says that Banana is not a serious name for a little girl and that I should “get real” and “stop goofing around” and “find a job,” which, I think, is all well and good, but sort of closed minded.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Daedelus and Icarus

These two make a nice pair. They are certainly names with heft, Greek origin. Daedalus was a brilliant engineer and Icarus was his loving son. It’s good to think outside the box for these twin names, but sometimes you need to go back into the box to see if the names will work in a contemporary real world situation.

Like this:

“Daedalus and Icarus, get back in your room this instant and pick up your Legos.”

Or,

“Icarus, stop putting Cheetos in Daedelus’s ears.”
“It’s Daedelus’ fault. He put croutons in my pants.”

Oh, there’s the problem right there. Both names end in “s”. This means they both rely on an obscure and often misunderstood and generally lame grammar rule to form the possessive. Sorry fellas, you’re out.

Baby Name Rejects for Twins: Adolf and Ava

Here we go again.

What do you have to do to completely destroy a perfectly good pair of names for all time?

Adolf and Ava, as a pair, are pretty appealing on the surface. Note the A-dolf, A-va assonance. They sound really good together, an important consideration when naming a set of twins. Ava is a hot name right now for little girls. And with good reason. Its cute and spunky! There is also an intriguing historical context to the pair, a compelling story. Ava and Adolf were lovers, I guess. It didn't end prettily, but there must have been some romance along the way. Something like affection.

On the other hand, Adolf Hitler was not a good person. In fact, he's commonly regarded as the most evil person to ever live. So, we have to take into consideration. Especially because Hitler was, like, famously evil.

Conclusion: Adolf and Ava are a strong pair and would be attractive for a boy-girl set of twins had Hitler not forever besmirched the name Adolf by being a genocidal maniac and a general douchelord.

Back to the drawing board.